Thus Far

  I’ve been praying for something for a long time. Original Photo by  Aaron Burden  on  Unsplash Well, I’ve been praying for a lot of things actually. A lot of the same prayers cycled and recycled depending on urgency for the past several years. At first, it was a simple “Lord, I ask that You would make a way for x to happen, so that I would be able to do y . Thank You so much, Amen. 😊 ” And I’d go about my day, believing things would start to happen. But the more I prayed, the farther away my requests became. It went from praying for a natural path to these things to daily begging God for a miracle—because no way could I  see any of this working out without one. I felt like I’d put in an application at the Office of Miracles, complete with my resume, measure of faith, time spent in prayer, good works performed, etc. To be frank, I felt like I qualified for a miracle. I stood kinda twiddling my thumbs as the Angel at the desk put on his spectacles and gla...

It’s been a long time since the holidays have looked like they used to, hasn’t it? I found myself in the days after Christmas angry, and sad, and depressed. I had spent time with family. I had received beautiful gifts for which I am grateful. I’d had a couple of days off work and some time to just sit with a cup of salted caramel hot cocoa watching my favorite films and filmmakers online. It sounded so idyllic and, for a few moments, felt that way... and yet there is and was  so much in my life that is not as I thought it would be. There are real problems hanging over my everyday that stir up anxiety and threaten my future. There are obstacles that refused to budge and kept me away from other loved ones this year. There are dreams I’ve been gripping to my chest and toiling at day after day for over a decade—and yet it feels like not an inch of progress has been made since day one. I had been looking for wonder and magic to make up for all the letdowns and pain, and I did as much...

I wrote last fall about how I was starting over from the beginning, to learn to write again . I’d been writing seriously for almost 10 years, but my career didn’t reflect that. A lot of things had happened during that decade, from the personal to the global and back again, that had set me back and hindered my idea of success; I remember feeling that the only way I could move consistently forward was to start over and learn to write again from the very beginning. I thought it would be poetic, less actual learning , more just putting in daily practice, letting the words flow and the manuscripts form in a less-stress way. Perhaps, after a few months, I might even emerge with a masterpiece. But as I went back to study writing blogs and videos like I used to, I found that, despite the many things I do know about writing good characters, recognizing a strong plot, and the nuts and bolts of writing well, there is still so much I don’t know . Still so much I’ve been doing badly even, that...