After All the Christmas Cheer

It’s been a long time since the holidays have looked like they used to, hasn’t it?

I found myself in the days after Christmas angry, and sad, and depressed. I had spent time with family. I had received beautiful gifts for which I am grateful. I’d had a couple of days off work and some time to just sit with a cup of salted caramel hot cocoa watching my favorite films and filmmakers online. It sounded so idyllic and, for a few moments, felt that way... and yet there is and was so much in my life that is not as I thought it would be. There are real problems hanging over my everyday that stir up anxiety and threaten my future. There are obstacles that refused to budge and kept me away from other loved ones this year. There are dreams I’ve been gripping to my chest and toiling at day after day for over a decade—and yet it feels like not an inch of progress has been made since day one. I had been looking for wonder and magic to make up for all the letdowns and pain, and I did as much as I could to help offer some of those Christmas miracles to others. And yet for myself, I just couldn’t seem to find it. Despite the fact that I resided in a warm home (after our power came back on, but that’s another story 😉 ), that I was surrounded by people I loved, and had spent Christmas Day with yummy food and lovely gifts, I still had that nagging feeling of “something missing.”

It’s easy to turn to guilt here, especially these days, when you know there is always someone out there who has it worse than you. It’s easy to tell yourself you don’t deserve to be unhappy; count your blessings; look at all the good things you do have! But as the New Year begins, I would like to challenge that idea, for myself and for you, dear friend. First off, no one’s life is perfect. Whatever problems you have, massive, miniscule (most likely an assortment of both and everything in between), those problems are real to you. You are allowed to acknowledge those issues and to have your pain acknowledged by others.

Second, it’s okay to hold that duality: that you know how blessed you are and you’re grateful for the gifts you've been given… and yet, you are still sad. In fact, I think it’s necessary to have that conversation with yourself. To first, acknowledge that you have many blessings. Recognize them. Count them. Thank our good and gracious God for them! Sometimes, a little praise is all it takes to shake yourself out of a nasty, post-Christmas mood. 

But if you are still sad, then you do yourself no favors by pretending to feel happy or by bullying yourself into feeling grateful. You are grateful. You just spent all those moments giving thanks! But if you still feel sad, then that is simply where your heart is today and you can’t force yourself out of that place if it’s what you’re meant to feel in that moment. There is purpose in sadness too, in pain, even if the reason hasn't revealed itself yet.

Indeed, had I not found myself feeling angry, anxious, and depressed, wanting nothing more than to curl up in a fluffy blanket and pretend no one else existed… would I have been able to write this letter to you today?

However Christmas and the New Year have made you feel, be honest with yourself about it. If you’re thrilled with your holiday season and the joy is still carrying you on Christmas cheer, then that’s wonderful! I celebrate your joy with you! But if you’re feeling anything less than good today, first, admit that to yourself and to God, then step out of your feelings for a moment and praise Him for your blessings. Maybe that will make you feel better, maybe it won’t, but at least know that your feelings do not define you and that whatever you’re feeling in this moment, you are not feeling it alone. 💗

Have a wonderful, blessed, and courageous New Year, friends. I hope it brings incredible missions and miracles for us all.

Rejoice in the Lord, always, again I will say it, rejoice!